Working through team retrospectives can be frustrating. Designers love to talk, a lot. And by default we jump to solutions right away more often than pausing to respond. I notice I do the same in my real life when my wife comes home and needs to vent - it’s Ben to the rescue!
I want to ask more questions, but one must listen a little longer, first. So, let’s talk about the two concepts here as they build on one another.
It’s not enough to say I love you all the time. Quantity looses the gravity of quality and meaning. If you’ve ever been broken-hearted you know that words don’t mean as much compared to action.
I believe that listening and asking questions is the best way to be a partener.
As designers we constantly ask people all the time for their feedback while other times we get it without asking at all. Now I’m not asking people to say they love me too, like I ask my wife (I could write a book about my insecurities elsewhere). But I do ask workmates, “what do you think?” Which is a problem. It’s vague. It gets answers like “it feels weird to me”. And perhaps it elicits more comments like, “can we try this…?” And then I get re-design feedback from anyone and everyone. In other words, it’s confusing and not very meaningful when any opinion can now, sound relevant.
Let’s be more pointed with our questions so we can receive more pointed answers.
When I’m talking with my wife and she’s having a hard day, sometimes she just needs to tell me how bad the day was. If I’m listening, she’s empowered and in control. When I jump to solutioning, she’s weak and unheard. Questions become instant help.
“What can I do to help you right now?” He asked, head tilted down and to the right, waiting.
She can now answer me specifically with, “I just need you to listen, smile and nod.” She says smiling to continue.
There is no ambiguity there. She gets what she needs and I am relieved of my duty to be the hero.
In design, I can ask different questions to an engineer or project owner that gets me answers I need. This way they don’t need to search for answers for the sake of feedback. We are less confused and more aligned.
My specific questions could be, “how much effort do you imagine this interaction would cost us?” Then I listen. Depending on the answer I can follow up with, “Can you imagine what might help decrease that cost?” Or “What native interactions am I missing that android users feel more familiar with?” It would be easy to receive a pointed answer. There’s a stop-and-think moment provided.
Try it with project managers. Try it with your partner. Try it with your kids.
This way, listening, then asking specific questions, helps “I love you” save my partnership and turns my design life into a more efficient and productive relationship.